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Ok, today is day one of no excuses. I’ll let ya know how it goes.
I think a lot of my personal posts are being misinterpreted lately and I’m realizing it’s because I’ve built relationships with people who follow me and I am becoming less comfortable with being open and honest about everything. As a result, I make the details obscure. It feels easy to share things with strangers and hard to do so with friends. I guess I fear disappointing them when I make poor decisions and to be honest, I fear their judgement when I make the same mistake over and over again.
Lately I’ve tried really hard to be more present with my mom. I realize we may not have a lot of time left together and it always seemed to be weighing on my mind and making happy moments feel so bittersweet. But I think I’m finally starting to find small ways to just enjoy the moment and be appreciative that we still have good days.
Today, I am thankful for my family <3
Woke up to thunderstorms, which I normally love, but today feels ominous. I am dreading every moment of this day and I wish I didn’t have to deal with any of it. I’m so nervous and anxious that I feel like I’m going to be sick. Ugh, wish me luck :(
In the last three weeks, I have allowed my tooth issues to sideline me from biking and working out. Which means I’ve lost my tan and a lot of endurance. It also means I’ve lost a lot of self confidence and now I feel pale, out of shape, and unattractive.
Funny how much you can lose in three weeks.
My mom’s twin brother came up and spent the last month with my mom. I’ve been extremely grateful because it freed me up a bit to be able to focus on school and work during the week and actually be able to have some free time during the weekends. He left yesterday and now I feel that guilt already settling in when I’m not spending every free second helping her. I want to help her. I want her to never feel bad about needing help or feel like she has to ask because I want to be there already knowing what she needs and giving it to her. It’s just so overwhelming and it’s been nice to have that weight lifted for a little while.
One minute my phone is working fine, the next…fried. I don’t know what happened, I just know it’s going to be 2 days and $100 to get a new one :/ So until then, I’m sorry if you’re texting or calling but I won’t get it. I work 8a-5p then have class 5:30-9pm every night which means I won’t even have time to get on my laptop to check tumblr. I feel naked :/
Day off today meant:
I swear, eating clean and working out have become 82.3% of my life. Now onto the other part: homework :/