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Today is officially my last day!
They offered me a 15% increase to stay, but the new position will be almost a 25% increase. Well, 20% right away and an additional 5% after 30 days. Weird, but I’m cool with it. So anyway, it’s more $ at the new job and I’m taking it.
I told my team this morning and they all looked like I’d just slapped them :/ I invited them all over for a post-holiday party in two weeks at my place and that perked them up a little. Meep! Now that’s it’s official I feel so relieved but I’m still a little nervous.
Oh, and I will be starting on the 21st so I have THREE WHOLE WEEKS OFF!! I haven’t had that much time off ever. I am stoked.
You shouldn’t love me because I am not as good of a person as everyone seems to think I am. I have a fickle heart and run from one extreme to the next. I am selfish and insecure and full of doubt. I have this insatiable need to feel loved and it causes me to become too clingy at times and dejected when I feel the slightest threat of distance. I am an emotional vampire and will drain you of all that is pure, but you will not realize it until you finally walk away.
You cannot save me and you cannot be there for me just to prove you’re the exception. Because if you try, you will end up drowning in the process as I lean so heavily against you that you can no longer support yourself. I am telling you this because I love you and because I know you deserve better.
I realize I am different and I will enchant you with my attention. With my fun questions and nonstop compliments and at times I will be so happy that you will get high from my joy and laughter but I am telling you now that it will not last. I will switch and withdraw and you will do anything to make me smile and bring back the magic I possess when I am filled with happiness. I realize how addictive I am when I am light and airy and I will give you that as much as I can, until I am empty and have nothing left to offer. And I realize that without that bliss, I have no magic. I have nothing special within me. I will become so desperate and afraid of losing you that I will cling to all that is giving and decent within you and I will use you to claw my way out of darkness again and again but it will leave me exhausted and leave you with bruises and scars from my desperate grasps. Those moments of magic are not worth the battles you will face with the hungrier parts of me.
I need you more than you need me, can you not see that? I will drag you down with me and you will not realize you are drowning by trying to save me until it is too late.
I love you more than you realize and you have to be strong enough to walk away because I am not strong enough to let go.